I've been frustrated the past several months.

"Well, I can see why, Kilgore," you are saying, gesturing toward the Involuntary Celibacy Watch.

That's not what I mean. I've been frustrated because the weeks come and the weeks go, and what are the tangible results of the time dribbled through my fingers? The paltry financial rewards of my dull job, maintenance of my basic metabolic functions, and the occasional fleeting pleasure of self-induced ejaculation. Consult Ecclesiastes or Ernie Ford for further ruminations along these lines.

Earlier this month, I took two days off work to think about these things and to consider ways to use my time more effectively. Here's what I discovered:

1. There are only 168 hours in a week.
   
2. After working, commuting, eating lunch, and sleeping, I have only 64 hours left.
   
3. It is not possible for me to train for an ultramarathon, write for publication, write regularly on this blog, attend church, have my meager social life, and still take care of the myriad crap that goes into staying sane, like preparing salad and cleaning the toilet every two weeks.

That third one surprised me. I don't have a wife (or even a girlfriend), or children, or a demanding job, or a fast-paced social life. And yet, no matter how I juggled the hours and activities, I couldn't fit everything into a realistic schedule. Something had to go.

That something is Chaotic Not Random. This was not an easy decision. I have loved keeping this blog -- it has sharpened my writing skills, bolstered my confidence, and allowed me to meet wonderful and interesting people; that is, those of you who have read my posts and left comments and sent kind, thoughtful emails. I thank you for being a part of my life this past year and a half.

I wish I could continue to post here. But I can't. Writing for me is a slow, difficult labor -- a labor of love, to be sure, but still a time-sucking task that consumes an average of three hours for each post, including this one. Even blogging just twice a week wipes out my Wednesday and Sunday evenings, which is time I could better spend preparing pieces for publication.

So this is goodbye, for now. I'm going to give up the chaoticnotrandom.com domain in a week or two, although everything here will remain for posterity on chaoticnotrandom.blogspot.com. If you want to keep current on my writing career, drop me an email and I'll let you know if I get anything into print.

My name, by the way, is Lawrence Pelo.

+posted by Lawrence @ 2/27/2005 07:39:00 PM