FOLLIES IN MARKETING, VOL. 9

• A few weeks ago, while The Negotiator and I waited for the train to take us to the Mammoth home opener, a young man dressed in large clothing and armed with fliers approached us. "Do you guys listen to hip-hop?" he asked.
  
  The Negotiator looked apprehensive, but I spoke right up. "Sure," I said.
  
  "All right, come to the show," he said, handing each of us a blurry flier for MC Twinkie (featuring Suzy-Q) or some such. He turned to go, but looked back. "And use the other side to write down phone numbers or something. Don't litter!"
  
  "Okay," I said, a bit taken aback but impressed by his nerve.
  
  A few minutes later, the hip-hop guy returned. "You guys can throw those things on the ground if you want," he said, looking sheepish. "I don't really care what you do with them."
  
  If you're going to lecture total strangers at a train stop about the evils of littering, I say stick to your guns. Don't back down, man! If anything, you need to crank the volume to 11: "If I see you guys throwing your fliers on the ground, you won't even be allowed into the MC Twinkie (featuring Suzy-Q) show! You'll have to stand outside in the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!"
  
  
• I made some Thai fried rice last week, and the recipe called for chicken broth. While mixing the broth into a peanut sauce, I noticed the label said, "Use in your favorite recipes, or serve as a hot beverage."
  
  A hot beverage? Chicken broth? Really?

  BARTENDER: What'll you have?
  
  KILGORE TROUT: Bailey's and broth.
  
  B: You want Swanson broth? Campbell's?
  
  KT: No, well is fine.
  
  B: Beef or chicken?
  
  KT: Beef. And some oyster crackers.

• Ad copy seen in the May 2004 issue of Runner's World, for Adidas shoes:

  6 Feb 2001: Kitty Cole and 140 marathoners sail to the most remote continent on earth [for the Antarctic Marathon]. The continent welcomes them with gale force winds, snow squalls and subzero temperatures. The runners' unanimous response? Run the marathon on the ship that brought them there (324 laps on the enclosed 5th deck; 422 on the slippery-but-scenic 6th outer deck). Less than ideal? Maybe. Impossible? Never.

  The Antarctic Marathon is not easy. It's not cheap, either -- packages start at $4,699. Now, I'm not going to call someone a wuss for not wanting to run in "gale force winds, snow squalls and subzero temperatures," but if you don't want to face extreme conditions, why waste several thousand dollars on a trip to Antarctica? The continent is on the bottom of the planet! What would you expect, sunshine and green meadows? This ad doesn't make me want to buy Adidas shoes. It makes me think Adidas customers are morons.
  
  [If you think it's impossible to run a marathon in Antarctica, go here to read about the North Pole Marathon, won last year in 3:43:17 -- an above-average time in good conditions, let alone on floating ice floes in snowshoes and -25C temperatures.]
  
  
• Two stories from work:

  We started using a new payroll company this year. Attached to my January 14 paycheck was a coupon for a free sub at Quizno's (with purchase of drink and chips).

  A few weeks ago, my company allowed a Sam's Club employee to hang around in the breakroom all day and sell memberships to our employees.

  Look: if I want a toasted Turkey Bacon Guacamole sandwich or a 200-pack of toilet paper, I know where to go. I already have to endure TV ads, radio ads, sporting event sponsorships, Internet banner ads, spam, junk mail, billboards, ads showing before movies, candy bar ads on gas station pump handles, telemarketing, corporate naming rights on stadiums, product placement in movies, and buses transformed into rolling billboards. Is it too much to ask that I don't get marketed to at work? What's next -- pop-up ads in the accounting software? Sponsorship patches on our business casual clothing? A requirement that we say "I'm lovin' it" before we can get paid?
  
  Is there a theoretical point at which a culture becomes completely saturated with advertising, collapses under its own weight, and becomes a Marketing Singularity?

+posted by Lawrence @ 2/02/2005 10:58:00 PM