I only made two New Year's Resolutions this year. Making fewer resolutions is the way to go -- I think most people don't follow through on their resolutions because they disperse their energy trying to create too many new habits. Creating one new habit is hard enough, let alone pressuring yourself to simultaneously learn Italian, eat more fiber, call your mother once a week, master the Sicilian Defense, quit huffing Preparation H, and read the complete works of Dean R. Koontz.

Instead, pick out one or two realistic goals on which to focus your efforts. Let's say, for example, that you want to lose weight. So you start a sensible diet and exercise program that allows you to lose about a pound a week. Now suppose that your 2005 goes about the same way that your 2004 went, except that at the end of it you'll be 52 pounds lighter. You'd be happy about that, wouldn't you, Tubby?

It's possible, of course, that at any time you might fall into a grain thresher or torn to pieces by radioactive mutant grasshoppers, in which case you should have spent 2005 eating bacon cheeseburgers and chili-cheese fries. But we try to avoid that kind of negative thinking here at Chaotic Not Random.

Anyway, here are my resolutions:

1. Run a 100-mile ultramarathon. I was supposed to do this last October, but then I strained something in my ankle and spent most of May through September eating bacon cheeseburgers and chili-cheese fries and gaining 20 pounds. The ankle has healed slowly, allowing me to resume partial training -- three days of running a week plus two days walking plus two days Aquajogging.
   
   For those of you who currently have a puzzled look on your face, Aquajogging is a rehab workout that involves strapping a foam belt around your waist and slipping foam shoes onto your feet, which allows you to stand straight up and "run" in the water, which nicely simulates a running workout without the impact. It also nicely simulates looking like a retard -- see self-portraits here and here. (WARNING: These are disturbing images including chest and back hair, budget swimwear, erect male nipples, and an underdeveloped torso. By viewing these photos, you forever waive your rights to legal redress against Chaotic Not Random, Inc., for any and all psychological disorders, permanent or temporary blindness, allergic reactions, or loss of stomach contents caused by viewing these images.)
   
   Lord willing and the creek don't rise, I'll be lining up at the start of the Heartland 100 in Cassoday, Kansas, on October 8. The reward for finishing: a belt buckle. I'm not shitting you. Belt buckles are a very big deal in the ultrarunning community.
   
   
2. Publish something. Unfortunately, due to limited time, energy, and creative juice, writing for publication will mean posting less here -- probably just on Wednesdays and Sundays. I apologize for the gross violation of your rights under Article I of the Chaotic Not Random Reader's Bill of Rights, but you can use the time not wasted reading my drivel to call your mother or cram it up your ass, whichever excites you more.

+posted by Lawrence @ 1/03/2005 11:45:00 PM