CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS SCRIPT
PURCHASED FROM INTERNET TERM PAPER SITE

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- The script for the Tim Allen-Jamie Lee Curtis movie Christmas with the Kranks, originally believed to have been written by Harry Potter director Chris Columbus, was in reality purchased from Non-Plagiarized-Termpapers.com for $9.95 a page, sources revealed Tuesday.

"Usually I write midterm papers on Hamlet or The Canterbury Tales, eight to ten pages, stuff like that," said Joe Williamson, the actual screenwriter. "You know, for college kids too lazy or drunk to write their own shit. One day I get an order to write a 100-minute comedy about Christmas, which is a little unusual, but what the hell, it's something different, right? Imagine my surprise when I saw the trailer with Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis speaking my lines."

Williamson, a graduate student in English and a teaching assistant at Ohio State University, said he wrote the screenplay "in about three days."

"I've gotten pretty good at knocking out the material, so I just pounded that sucker out," said Williamson. "I knew it was crap when I sent it off, but I figured it was good enough to get some film student a B in his Intro to Screenwriting class. I never imagined it would gross $44 million its first two weeks."

"I mean, the scene where Luther [Krank] gets Botox injections and slobbers his food all over the place?" added Williamson. "I didn't think it was funny when I wrote it, and I was stoned off my ass."

Williamson said his decision to "come out of the closet" was prompted by anger over his paltry share of the movie's proceeds.

"They can pay Tim Allen $10 million, but I get eight dollars a page?" said Williamson. "I don't think so. These guys are making millions off my work, and I'm not getting jack. Chris Columbus can have the credit if he wants. I just want to get paid."

Non-Plagiarized-Termpapers.com issued a press release stating, "It is the policy of Non-Plagiarized-Termpapers.com to provide reference material only, not finished works to be handed in to professors or studio executives. By plagiarizing Mr. Williamson's screenplay, Mr. Columbus has broken the trust we placed in him to write his own screenplay using his own words and thoughts. We are saddened and disappointed by Mr. Columbus' actions and we regret to announce that he will no longer be permitted to purchase screenplays from our writers."

Neither Chris Columbus nor Sony Pictures returned phone calls for this article.

+posted by Lawrence @ 12/07/2004 11:16:00 PM