Chaotic Not Random

My favoritest comic strip ever is "Marmaduke"! It's funny because it's about a big dog! His name is Marmaduke! Boy, is that dog ever big! He's so big that instead of bringing the paper to his owner, he brings his owner to the paper!

Cartoonist Brad Anderson has been drawing "Marmaduke" since 1954! Maybe you think it's impossible to make up 18,250 funny gags about a Great Dane that can't talk or play baseball or wage war against the Red Baron, but that kind of negative attitude is why you've failed at everything you've ever tried to accomplish! I rate every "Marmaduke" cartoon on a scale from 1 to 10, although I've never rated one lower than an 11! I rate a cartoon a 11 if it's super-duper funny, an 12 if it's super-duper double-dog (har!) funny, and a 13 if it's so super-duper double-dog neo-maxi-zoom funny that I vomit repeatedly and have to be rushed to the hospital for administration of intravenous fluids!

I bet drawing "Marmaduke" is hard! Imagine if you woke up on Monday morning with your wife shaking you and saying, "Honey, if you don't think of seven funny jokes about a big dog this week, we're going to lose the house"! If that was me, I would chew my own hand off in a fit of panic! (I can barely post four times a week on this blog, and I get to write about anything I want!) But for Brad Anderson, it's no problemo, because he's a genius! He probably finishes drawing a week's worth of "Marmaduke" by noon on Tuesday, and then spends the rest of the week in a hot tub fondling gorgeous comic strip groupies!

Sometimes I don't understand "Marmaduke"! Like there was this one where the little boy and Marmaduke are in Marmaduke's doghouse at night, and the little boy is holding a flashlight and reading stories out of a book titled Dog Tails! The mom comes out to check out what's going on, and the little boy says, "Marmaduke wants me to read him another bedtime story"! Hahahahahaha! I don't see where the joke is, but that doesn't make it any less funny! It's just like where Jesus wrote the Bible, and some of it is hard to understand, and you need the minister to tell you what it means! It's too bad there aren't any ministers of "Marmaduke," except Brad Anderson himself, and he stopped returning my letters in 1983!