LOCAL MAN JUST GOES AHEAD AND
BUYS ONE OF THOSE MICHAEL GRAVES CLOCKS

DENVER -- Denver resident Kilgore Trout, 30, bought a Michael Graves-designed clock at SuperTarget and put it in his apartment just like that, sources reported Saturday.

The clock features a fake brushed-metal exterior; stylized numbers; a club-shaped hour hand; and a quiet, yet unmistakable air of class and sophistication -- the hallmark of quality products designed by award-winning Princeton, N.J.-based architect Michael Graves. It retails for $19.99.

The purchase shocked followers of buying trends. "Kilgore Trout is known for his lack of style sense and his reluctance to spend extra money on practical items," said Kimberly Baumann, who researches consumer buying patterns for Marketron, Inc. in Chicago. "When we learned that Mr. Trout was planning to buy a new clock for his living room, we all assumed he would spend -- at most -- five dollars on a basic kitchen clock. When he spent four times that amount to acquire the simple elegance of a timepiece designed by Michael Graves, nobody knew what to think. This throws off all our projections."

Reports indicate Trout then hung the clock on his living room wall as if it was no problem. According to a source close to Trout identified only as 'G-Dog': "I went over to KT's place, and as soon as I walked in the door, I sensed a new, more upscale atmosphere about his apartment. That's when I noticed the new clock. I asked him about it, and he was just like, 'Yeah, I got that at SuperTarget the other day' as though it was normal. Jesus -- next thing you know, he'll buy some furniture not made of particle board or avocado-green velour."

Not all observers approve by Trout's purchase. John W. Snow, secretary of the U.S. Department of the Treasury, issued a statement expressing "disappointment" with Trout's "foolhardy" decision. "At a time when Kilgore Trout is carrying credit card debt of nearly nine thousand dollars, does it make sense to waste resources on a gussied-up clock, no matter how urbane and tasteful it may be, with the timeless appeal of its clean lines and classic styling? A much cheaper clock would have told the time just as well, or maybe Mr. Trout could just wear his watch and do without the extra clock. He already had three perfectly good clocks in his apartment, for chrissake."

Kilgore Trout refused comment for this story, except to say he was "considering buying a new calendar before the end of the year, instead of waiting until February for the 75% off sales."

+posted by Lawrence @ 11/21/2004 11:58:00 PM