BUSH LEADS POLLS DUE TO "TRIPLE-CHOCOLATELY GOODNESS"

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While the gap between George Bush and John Kerry has narrowed in the last two weeks, the president still holds a slight lead over his challenger in most national polls. What has made the difference in Campaign 2004 so far? Observers across the political spectrum agree that the key to Bush's popularity is his "triple-chocolately goodness."

"Voters know what they want in a chief executive," said Bush campaign communications director Nicolle Devenish. "And the majority of the American people are making it clear that they want a president who combines white chocolate, fudge brownie chunks, and a gooey, dark chocolate center."

"Bush/Cheney 2004," added Devenish. "Get You Some Chocolate.®"

Voters seemed to agree. "I vote on the issues, and I think President Bush will protect us from the terrorists," said electrician Doug Reimer, 43, from Missoula, Mont. "Also, I think he's delicious."

"At first, I thought President Bush was a little too rich and sweet," said Madison O'Reilly, 24, an accountant from Red Wing, Minn. "I mean, that's a lot of chocolate to handle! But now I think he's just right."

"Yummy!" O'Reilly added, with a brown smear of chocolate visible on the right side of her mouth.

"The hard-working Americans who make up the backbone of this country deserve and demand a president who is a strong leader, who cares about their problems, and who is choc-o-diddly-umptuous," said Karl Rove, Bush's Senior Advisor and chief political strategist. "I have no doubt that on November 2, Americans will overwhelmingly vote to reelect the man who has given them more exquisite chocolate flavor than any other leader in our nation's proud history -- George W. Bush."

Democrats have responded that John Kerry offers a tempting blend of creamy caramel, rich nougat, and salty peanuts, all covered in luscious milk chocolate mixed with crunchy toffee bits. "Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate is all this president has to offer," said Kerry advisor Mike McCurry. "John Kerry goes further, incorporating a variety of textures and flavors into a combination that all Americans can enjoy."

Los Angeles dentist Raymond Tidball, 34, remained skeptical. "John Kerry tastes okay, I guess, if you're hungry enough," he said. "But when I step into the voting booth, I'm going to be thinking about which candidate gives me three times the chocolate. And that's President Bush."

+posted by Lawrence @ 10/11/2004 11:48:00 PM