I was stuck in a ridiculous traffic jam yesterday morning when I noticed steam rising from beneath the hood of my 1991 Honda Accord with flawless leather interior. Shit. I pulled over as soon as I could and raised the hood. Green antifreeze, splashed everywhere, bubbled and hissed on the hot engine. Shit!

I got the car to the shop and took the bus to work. The mechanic called a few hours later.

"Well, your [something] is busted," he said. "Unfortunately, that caused your [something else] to rupture and damaged your [something #3], which are all melted. Also, we noticed a bad bearing in your [other thing entirely]."

"How much?" I asked.

"Well... it adds up to $1,198. Plus tax." He paused. "We've got it all taken apart here if you want to come in and make sure we're not selling you a bill of goods. We don't do that here."

Why bother? I was an hourlong bus ride away from the shop and I had already missed half a day of work. Besides, I wouldn't know a [something else] if it gave me flowers and took me to dinner. I groaned. "Is it really necessary to fix the [other thing entirely]?"

"No, not really. That would bring you down to... $971 plus tax."

I told him to go ahead. Then I went into the men's room and sat on the john for a little while, gritting my teeth and wishing I had listened when my dad tried to teach me about cars. I hate spending money on car repairs. What if I had blown that money on clothes and books and video games? True, I would have been laying up for myself treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, but at least I would have had something to show for dropping a wad like that. Instead, I've spent a thousand dollars so I can drive my car, which is exactly what I had before. Three cheers for the status quo! Let's hear it for one step forward, one step back!

The not-exactly-ironic-but-you-know-what-I-mean thing is that three days ago my paycheck was fatter by an extra five hundred dollars. I'm not sure whether to feel relieved that I had the extra money to help cushion the blow or pissed off because I can't spend that money on something cool. I'm opting for "pissed off" because it makes for a more entertaining blog entry.

I'm frugal. I don't eat out much. I buy most of my clothes at Target and wear them until they're battered and frayed, with holes in scandalous locations. My computer runs on steam power and vacuum tubes. But I'm always tempted, after parting with a large sum of money for an unexpected expense, to go spend a bunch more money. Dinner's on me, fellas! Who cares? I just spent a thousand fucking dollars to maintain my driving privileges, so who wants another round? Dessert, anyone?

+posted by Lawrence @ 9/03/2004 11:42:00 PM