NEW KEVIN SMITH FILM JUST A BUNCH OF CAMEOS

LOS ANGELES -- Kevin Smith, the writer and director of Clerks, Chasing Amy, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, announced Monday his next movie will have no leading actors or central plot, but will consist entirely of a series of cameos by more than 300 celebrities from Kevin Bacon to Snoop Dogg.

"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back included cameos by Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, George Carlin, Wes Craven, Shannen Doherty, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Jon Stewart, Gus Van Sant, Jason Biggs, and James Van Der Beek, among others," said Smith. "Everybody loved the cameos so much that I decided my next movie would be two solid hours of cameos by all my favorite pop-culture figures, especially those from the 80s and early 90s."

Smith then laughed hysterically at his own cleverness for nearly five minutes.

Smith released sample dialogue from the film, tentatively titled Kevin Smith's Cameos:

WOMAN (Florence Henderson): [wakes up, rolls over] Well, good morning, sweetie.

MAN (Emmanuel Lewis): [wakes up, stretches, looks at WOMAN] Aaaah! I fucked Mrs. Brady! [jumps out of bed, runs down stairs]

DRUNK (Lou Ferrigno): [sleeping in stairwell, wakes up as MAN rushes past] Can't you see I'm trying to get some sleep here?

CAT (Morris the Cat): Meow.

[MAN opens door to outside, runs down street into distance.]

WOMAN 2 (Dana Plato): Dog with sauerkraut, please.

HOT DOG VENDOR (Jack Palance): You got it.

[HOT DOG VENDOR hands hot dog to WOMAN 2, who walks away. The camera follows her briefly as she passes MAN 2 (Mike Tyson) who is repeatedly punching a brick wall.]

MAN 3 (Mick Jagger): Taxi!

TAXI DRIVER (Jimmy Carter): Where to?

MAN 3: Anywhere but Jersey!

[Taxi lurches forward, knocks down MAN 4 (Burt Reynolds), and drives away.]

MAN 4: What the fuck, man!

WOMAN 3 (Suzanne Somers): I can't believe it!

MAN 4: [brushing off plaid jacket] Me neither! This is a new suit!

WOMAN 3: Can you come help me install a shower rod?

SHOESHINE MAN (Jim Brown): Look at your shoes! Why don't you get some pride in your stride?

When told that Dana Plato died from an overdose in 1999, Smith said, "Well, shit. I guess we better get filming before Don Knotts kicks off."

Other celebrities who have accepted parts in Kevin Smith's Cameos include Sheryl Lee, Bob Costas, Walter Mondale, Susan Lucci, Todd Bridges, the dog from Frasier, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Larry Bird, William Shatner, O.J. Simpson, Ron Jeremy, John Glenn, Chris Berman, Dr. J, Bernhard Goetz, Steven Tyler, John Ratzenberger, Gerald Ford, Too Tall Jones, the Black Stallion, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Nina Hartley, Gary Coleman, Ted Danson, Leonard Nimoy, Dick Butkus, Lee Iacocca, Oprah Winfrey, the Dalai Lama, Alex Gross, the Dahm triplets, Arsenio Hall, Magic Johnson, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Judith Light, Jermaine Jackson, Jim Bakker, Gallagher, Eddie Van Halen, John Madden, Tony Danza, George Takei, Michael Jordan, Big Bird, Barry Williams, Michael Richards, Mary Lou Retton, Alex Winter, John Cleese, Donnie Wahlberg, Nichelle Nichols, George Wendt, Stephen King, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, Mikhail Gorbechev, Beavis and Butt-head, and Shadoe Stevens.

+posted by Lawrence @ 8/09/2004 11:52:00 PM