IDEAS THAT WOULD MAKE GREAT SCENES IN MOVIES,
OR COMMERCIALS, OR SOMETHING

• Two guys drive into an airport parking garage, which has a display reading "LEVEL 4: 34 SPACES REMAINING."
  
  One guy says, "They don't know which level I'm going to park on, so how do they always know how many spaces are left?"
  
  "I don't know," says his friend.
  
  The camera cuts to an elderly man in an airport uniform hobbling along a row of parked cars in an enormous parking garage. He comes to an empty space, fusses in his shirt pocket for a moment, and hauls out a small notepad and pen. He grimaces as he makes a tally mark in the notepad, and then fusses some more to get the notepad back in his pocket. Painfully, he starts forward again.
  
  
• A man in a plain white T-shirt and black shorts runs uphill in the rain. We see him from several angles to establish that he is in extraordinary shape. The man runs past a window of a Bally's or a 24 Hour Fitness or other such gym. On the other side are treadmills lined up looking out on the street. The runner slows to a stop in front of the window and stares through the glass at a slightly pudgy man jogging slowly on a treadmill, clad in expensive shoes and name-brand athletic gear. The two lock eyes for a moment, and then the outside runner goes on his way.
  
  
• A man goes to a restaurant and receives slow, desultory service. When the waitress drops the check on the table, the man asks her, "Excuse me, but has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?"
  
  The waitress smiles and blushes; she is a plain woman. "No," she says.
  
  "Well, there's a reason for that," says the man.
  
  
• A man steps off the light rail near downtown Denver and starts walking rapidly across the Metro State campus, glancing at his watch -- he is anxious to arrive at the Pepsi Center on time so as not to miss the opening faceoff of the Colorado Mammoth game. He overtakes a young woman chattering on her cell phone. The camera cuts to the man's slightly knitted brow, indicating his disapproval of people who talk loudly on cell phones in public. The man draws close enough to overhear the young woman's conversation:
  
  "... well, of course! I mean, that's where the money is! Uh huh. Oh, I have the cutest outfit for tonight. I know -- I'm sooooo skinny! Well, first, I have to work out and tan..."
  
  Recklessly disregarding his own safety, the man seizes a length of steel pipe and beats the young woman... well, no. The man hurries on, misses the opening faceoff, and thinks about the young woman disturbingly often over the next few weeks. He recalls his revulsion at the young woman's shallow words and saucy behavior, and then thinks about how much he wanted to sleep with her, even though her personality disgusted him. The man entertains a variety of increasingly strange fantasies about the young woman, until he realizes the truth: he is a character in a Charlie Kaufman film.

+posted by Lawrence @ 4/15/2004 11:58:00 PM