My boss received a brochure yesterday for a business seminar called "The Essentials of Communicating with Tact and Finesse."

If your boss asked you to attend this seminar, wouldn't your boss essentially be saying, "I think you're an asshole"? In fact, wouldn't your boss be saying, "I think you're an asshole, and not just a regular asshole. I think you're some kind of super-asshole, created in an asshole genetics experiment gone wrong, or maybe blasted with asshole gamma rays out in the New Mexico desert. In any case, have fun learning how not to be an asshole, asshole."

What would it be like to spend two days in a Hyatt ballroom with dozens of antisocial, ill-tempered assholes? Remember that these particular assholes have so little tact and finesse that their companies are willing to lose their services for two days and to pay $395 for some seminar company to perform an asshole exorcism. Think about the lively conversations you would hear:

You cunt! That seat is saved!

Owwww! You stepped on my foot, you shithead!

Take the urinal next to me and I'll kill you!

Click that pen one more time, you cocksucker! I'm fucking begging you!

I bet the seminar organizers overbook the venue by at least twenty percent, figuring to lose at least that many to broken noses, disorderly conduct arrests, and guys getting taken to the hospital to have their Palm Pilots removed from their rectums.

+posted by Lawrence @ 2/06/2004 11:51:00 PM