EGOMANIAC BLOGGER FEIGNS LOW SELF-ESTEEM

CLEVELAND -- Sources reported that Dave Williams, who writes a weblog titled "Random Musings" under the name dWill, wrote his 153rd consecutive self-deprecating post Wednesday, even though in real life he is an blustering, overconfident egomaniac.

"Somehow my life today sucked even more than it did yesterday," the post began. "Maybe life would be bearable if I wasn't such a fucking loser and if I thought I might actually get laid sometime this century..." The post went on to describe dWill's romantic failures and troubles with money, and ended, "If there's no post tomorrow, maybe I finally got the balls up to buy a fucking shotgun and put it to good use."

"I'm stacking up some pretty tall dollars these days," said Williams, 32, a salesman at Midwest Fasteners in Cleveland. "Number one salesman in the office -- all the other guys started calling me 'Super Dave' after I closed that $2 million deal with Wickers Construction last week. Yeah, that'll be a fat commission check. I'll have to head downtown this weekend and drop some cash on the honeys at the Nasty Lounge." Williams stated that he "score[s] some pretty sweet tail on a regular basis."

Williams confirmed that his blog persona does not match his actual opinion of himself. "People don't want to read a blog about a guy like me who's good-looking, socially active, and successful in his career. I think most people who read and write blogs are lonely, frustrated people who want to read about other misfits like themselves. So I pretend that I have a pathetic sex life, that my childhood was rotten, or that I don't have any friends. I like to post about how much my blog sucks and how nobody reads it, even though I have about a hundred regular readers. I make fun of my appearance and the size of my penis a lot -- once I wrote, 'I would say that I look like a gargoyle, except women don't laugh at gargoyles when they drop their pants.'"

"I actually have a larger-than-average penis," Williams added quickly.

+posted by Lawrence @ 2/26/2004 09:52:00 PM