[The scene opens in a trendy downtown restaurant filled with hip, beautiful people. Happy conversation fills the air as urban sophisticates talk about their Hummer H2s and debate the merits of Patek Philippe versus Rolex. The camera focuses in on a table of four young, fashionably dressed professionals: STEVE, TRISH, HUGH, and BARB. The camera is positioned such that our view of BARB is obscured. Slowly we begin to be able to hear their conversation...]

STEVE: ... so the guy sitting in front of me actually turns around and asks me to turn off my cell phone during the movie. Can you believe that shit? So I told that asshole that these were very important calls I was taking, and just because he can afford to be inaccessible for two hours doesn't mean that my life is similarly pathetic.

[They all laugh.]

STEVE: I mean, it was the Aveda salon calling to confirm my appointment! What am I going to do, not take the call?

HUGH: I know exactly what you mean. One time I turned my cell phone off to go to a funeral, and I missed a call from the ski lodge, and Barb and I ended up not getting a room with a hot tub.

TRISH: Oh, that's awful! Was the trip ruined?

HUGH: Well, the skiing was fantastic, and the apres-ski in Aspen is always outstanding. But of course, things haven't been quite the same ever since Barb lost her soul.

[The camera focuses in on Barb's face. She has fashionably styled hair and is wearing expensive jewelry. Her eyes are completely whited out and she stares unseeing into the distance. Her face is deathly pale. Her mouth hangs open and her head tilts at a crazy angle. A plate of food and a full glass of wine sit untouched in front of her.]

STEVE: Oh yes, you had mentioned that. Has she been to the doctor?

HUGH: Yes, he put her on Zoloft. It doesn't seem to be having much effect, but it'll take a few weeks to reach therapeutic levels in her bloodstream.

TRISH: You poor thing! [She reaches across the table and sympathetically pats BARB's arm. BARB falls limply onto HUGH's shoulder. Unperturbed, he restores her to an upright position in her chair.]

STEVE: I bet a good yoga program would help.

HUGH: That's a really great idea. She's already enrolled in a Pilates class at Bally's, of course, but something a little more meditative and spiritual might be just the thing.

TRISH: I know an Ananda yoga instructor who is absolutely amazing. I take a class there every Wednesday before I go shoe-shopping, and I'm always so relaxed and at peace when I come out that nothing bothers me, not even once when the escalator was out at Lord & Taylor. I'd be happy to take Barb with me.

STEVE: How did this happen?

HUGH: Dr. Silverstein said that it's not unusual for people in our age and income bracket to suddenly lose our souls. Nobody is sure what causes it. I was with Barb when it happened -- we went to Starbucks to pick up a couple of Caramel Frappuccinos, and the only parking spaces open were way at the back of the lot. We were in a big hurry to get to the day spa, so she just parked the Escalade in the handicapped spot. The next thing I knew... [gestures toward BARB.]

TRISH: Wow, I've done that before.

STEVE: Well, we all have. That's what makes it so scary. [His cell phone rings.] Hold on, I gotta take this. [He answers the phone and starts talking in a loud, obnoxious voice.] Yeah. Well, what do you mean, the maid didn't make it in today? I don't care if her kid is sick... well, that's just great. Look, we're having a big loftwarming party on Saturday, so we'll just have to fire the maid and get a new one... [STEVE's voice fades into the background as TRISH and HUGH talk between themselves.]

TRISH: Have you had your feng shui specialist out? Maybe he can help.

HUGH: Yes, he's flying in from Tokyo on Thursday. He's very good. He...

[HUGH and TRISH suddenly realize that they can no longer hear STEVE's voice. They look over to notice that STEVE has lost his soul and is slumped in his chair, staring through whited-out eyes, etc. Neither HUGH nor TRISH seem especially worried about this.]

TRISH: Well, I guess that's two people I'll be taking to yoga class!

[They laugh gaily.]

+posted by Lawrence @ 1/02/2004 12:23:00 AM