Headache. Bloodshot eyes.

Water. Need water. Need bland food to calm churning stomach.

Here's some free advice: when you drink so much that you can no longer competently operate a beer mug, it is time to quit drinking. I wish someone had given me this advice yesterday, before I smacked my front tooth on a glass of beer and chipped it. The chip is hardly noticeable, although I imagine it will be immediately obvious to all small-breasted, large-nosed single women in the Denver metro area. Because I am stupid, I will spend the next few days compulsively rubbing my tongue against the rough chipped area until I develop a sore. Then I will rub the sore spot against the rough chipped area to see if it is still sore. It will be.

More free advice: when you drink so much that you consider smoking a Swisher Sweet, it is time to quit drinking. It is time, in fact, to ask your friends to handcuff you to the radiator. Better that than to spend New Year's Day with a mouth that tastes like burned lawn clippings.

Even more free advice: when you drink so much that you become unable to understand the rules to a board game called "Battle of the Sexes", it is time to quit drinking. Specifically, you should not drink three more glasses of champagne. Drinking three more glasses of champagne will cause you to get the spins when you lie down, and then you will have to puke, and then you will start the New Year with a mouth that tastes not only like burned lawn clippings, but regurgitated steak sandwich as well.

Pleh. Nap. Need nappy...

Happy New Year, everyone!

+posted by Lawrence @ 1/01/2004 04:28:00 PM