THINGS OBSERVED WHILE ON HOLIDAY IN LONDON

• While Americans compete to see can dominate the roads with the most massive tank/SUV, Londoners have embraced DaimlerChrysler's Smart Car, a preposterous "car" -- really a four-wheeled scooter with a roof -- that is 8.2 feet long and seats two. Smart Cars get 58.9 miles to the gallon, an attractive feature in a country where a gallon of gas, (sorry, petrol), costs more than five dollars. Smart Cars are not legal in the U.S., and for good reason, I think; it seems the occupants would be doomed in a collision with anything larger than a hummingbird, much less an 8,600-lb. Hummer H2.
  
• Speaking of hummingbirds, the ten-pound note features a picture of one, as well as a portrait of Charles Darwin. Let me repeat that: the ten-pound note features a portrait of Charles Darwin. Can you imagine how impossible it would be to put a person like Charles Darwin on American currency? Can you begin to comprehend the mewling by the religion-addled rednecks? Can you picture the podium-pounding and posturing by Bible Belt congressmen? Can you see W pandering to his Christian conservative base at a press conference, ordering the bombing of the Mint to prevent any portrait of the infidel from appearing on our God-fearing money?
  
• I had gone to England with vague thoughts of picking up a football jersey, maybe Manchester United or Arsenal. Not a bad idea, except for the part where English soccer jerseys have HUGE TACKY CORPORATE LOGOS right in the center, where the team logo belongs. The team logos -- which look like coats of arms and are very cool -- have been shrunk down to small patches and banished to the upper left-hand corner of the jersey. Big, big points to the major U.S. sports leagues and their fans on this matter.
  
• I did my part for misogyny by buying a Yorkie candy bar, which comes in a hilarious wrapper announcing: "IT'S NOT FOR GIRLS!" The "O" in "Yorkie" is actually a red circle with a stick figure of a purse-carrying woman inside and bisected by a diagonal red slash. (For some reason, the underside of the wrapper commands: "DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS!")
  

+posted by Lawrence @ 12/10/2003 09:12:00 AM