STUPIDITY IN MARKETING

• G-Dog and I went to see the new LOTR movie on Friday. While handing our tickets to the United Artists employee to be ripped, another United Artists employee handed each of us a small packet. Upon further inspection, the packet turned out to be facial tissues packaged in plastic emblazoned with an ad for USA Network's P.I. drama Monk.
  
  Yes. Tissues. Why, you are wondering, would someone hand out tissues to advertise a mostly unknown show on a mostly unknown TV network? Is Monk so funny/sad/retarded that I will want to cry while watching it? Do people often watch Monk while performing cunnilingus or fellatio, and need tissues to wipe their faces? Or is USA so broke that it can no longer afford to advertise its programming through normal media, (billboards, radio), and must rely on handing out trinkets, like a small construction company giving out free yardsticks at the local home and garden expo?
  
  
• The back of a package of Trident White spearmint-flavored sugarless gum has the following statement printed on it:
  
  35% fewer calories than sugared gum. Calorie content for this serving size has been reduced from 8 to 5 calories.
  
  That's right -- chewing Trident White instead of sugared gum will save you THREE CALORIES. This means that if you chew gum aggressively, (say, three times a day), chewing Trident White instead of sugared gum will save you one pound of body fat over the course of 388 days. Thanks, Trident!
  
  
• Do you ever actually look at AOL's ubiquitous starter CDs? They promise "1045 HOURS FREE," with smaller print specifying that you must use your 1045 free hours within 45 days. The problem is that there are only 1080 hours in 45 days. Does AOL expect users to sign up and then use the Internet almost continuously for the next month and a half? Not even skippy watches that much porn.
  
  
• This doesn't really have anything to do with Stupidity in Marketing, but does anybody know why everybody is so mean to the arty girl in Linkin Park's "Numb" video? She's pretty. Attention Pretty Girl from Linkin Park's "Numb" Video: Come to my apartment. I will be nice to you.
  

+posted by Lawrence @ 12/27/2003 07:48:00 PM