Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King (2003)
Starring Miranda Otto, Liv Tyler, Cate Blanchett, and a bunch of guys with pro-wrestler hair.
Directed by Peter Jackson.
Kilgore rates it: 7 (out of 10)

With Return of the King, director Peter Jackson delivers a highly entertaining film that skillfully intertwines several plotlines without creating confusion and, even at 201 minutes, never seems long, (until the multiple unnecessary endings.) The centerpiece of the picture is an amazing battle sequence that dwarfs the flaccid battle scenes in The Two Towers and seamlessly integrates incredible CGI creature effects. (Hope you're taking notes, George Lucas.) The film explores themes of friendship, loyalty, honor, and courage without devolving into simplicity or sappiness.

I've never been much of an LOTR fan. I never read the books as a kid, and when I tried to read them a few years ago, I got bored halfway through The Fellowship of the Ring and never picked it up again. One fault of these films is that they can be hard for the uninitiated to understand -- I have never quite figured out what the Ring does, exactly, or why its destruction causes Sauron's death. (And don't tell me that I should have read the books before I saw the movies; it's not my responsibility as a moviegoer to do outside research so I can enjoy a film.) Lifelong LOTR fans will undoubtedly rate this movie a 9 or 10 and will emerge from the multiplex with dark stains in their crotches.

A question for people who have seen this movie -- who is the hottest female LOTR character: Miranda Otto, Liv Tyler, or Cate Blanchett? I'll take Miranda Otto, the warrior-princess. Liv and Cate are both incandescent, but that's part of the problem; they're both so ethereally beautiful that it's impossible for them to be objects of carnal desire. Miranda, by contrast, seems constructed out of actual flesh and blood, making her real and approachable if, you know, I started lifting and had a cleft chin installed.

+posted by Lawrence @ 12/28/2003 09:58:00 PM