I am good at setting clocks and watches. Ask anyone! If you have a device that keeps time, I can set it to whatever time you want. You say you need this Timex Ironman Triathlon set to 12:17:44 P.M.? You got it, hoss. Like all of my talents, my clock-setting ability never gets me laid, and I don't get to show it off much, except around Daylight Saving Time changeovers or if a friend gets the battery replaced in his car. But a gift is a gift.

I have a little fantasy that someone someday might make a movie based on me and my gift for setting clocks. In the movie, I would be a character with a past shrouded in mystery, and I would be known only as the Clock Setter. A typical scene from the movie would go something like this:

Harry and Marge are a married couple in their mid-60s, recently retired. A few months ago, Harry bought a new digital alarm clock from Sam's Club to replace the old, worn-out analog clock they had used for years. When the Daylight Saving changeover came along last month, Harry went to change the time on the clock, but found that he had lost the instruction booklet that came with the clock. Dadgummit! Harry and Marge tried to figure out how to change the time without the instructions but only managed to make things worse. So many buttons! Harry and Marge bicker over what to do about the clock, and then start to really argue and fight. Harry "forgets" to rake the leaves in the yard and stays out all night playing poker with his buddies. Marge retaliates by "accidentally" undercooking breakfast and hiding Harry's Viagra. Harry leaves the Yellow Pages out on the kitchen table opened to the "Divorce Attorneys" page. Could forty years of martial bliss be coming to an ugly end?

One night, during the season's first snowfall, Harry and Marge once again are fighting over the digital clock. Ideas are advanced and ridiculed. Accusations are flung. Harry is just about to tell Marge that he always thought her sister was the prettier one when a knock is heard at the door. Harry opens the door to reveal a stranger, tall and wiry, clad in a worn cowboy hat, a beaten leather jacket with fringe on the sleeves, frayed blue jeans, and well-worn boots. He seems oblivious to the wind and snow, and his features and gestures exude a gentle strength and warmth. "Who are you?" Harry starts to ask, but the stranger holds up a hand, and Harry steps back, awed by his quiet authority. The stranger enters the room and strides to the digital clock. He manipulates the buttons with expert ease, and in a moment the clock reads the correct time. The stranger also sets the alarm to 8:00 the next morning so Harry and Marge can attend church together. He touches the brim of his hat and moves toward the door, still held open by the dumbstruck Harry.

Marge seizes her purse and touches the Clock Setter on the shoulder. "How can we repay you?" she asks.

The Clock Setter smiles crookedly, embarrassed by the suggestion that he would seek profit from his God-given talent. "Be kind to one another," he says, and then he is gone.

Harry closes the door and takes Marge into his arms for the first time in weeks. "Thank God for that man," he says.

"Yes," says Marge, returning his embrace. "He doesn't just change clocks. He changes lives."

+posted by Lawrence @ 11/30/2003 11:11:00 PM