Below please find the entire text of Initiative 101, on which we Denverites voted this Tuesday last (emphasis added):

Shall the voters for the City and County of Denver adopt an Initiated Ordinance to require the city to help ensure public safety by increasing peacefulness -- that is, by defusing political, religious and ethnic tensions, both locally and globally -- through the identification and implementation of any systematic, stress-reducing techniques or programs, whether mental, physical, etc., that are (1) scientifically shown to reduce society-wide stress, as measured by reduced crime, accidents, warfare and terrorism, and also (2) shown to be of net financial benefit for the city?

In the end, the deep pockets of the pro-warfare-and-terrorism lobbies prevailed, and the measure was defeated by a 2-to-1 margin. But still: 30,911 people voted to change "Hey, chill out, man," from a friendly suggestion to a city law, punishable, one supposes, by fines, imprisonment and mandatory yoga. I can imagine the court proceedings:

Judge: Mr. Trout, you stand accused of Tripping the Fuck Out in the Second Degree. How do you plead?
Prosecutor (interrupting): Your Honor, the People wish to offer the Defendant an opportunity to plead guilty to the lesser offense of First Degree Failing to Cool It.
Judge: Very well. How do you plead, Mr. Trout?
Me (very, very calmly): I plead guilty, Your Honor.
Judge: In that case, because this is your first offense, I sentence you to groove on sunsets and sunrises for the next 90 days, plus 100 hours of running in delirious circles in a court-appointed field of posies. You are also ordered to complete a "Relaxation Through Masturbation" program.

+posted by Lawrence @ 11/06/2003 05:22:00 PM