You may remember that last Tuesday, (10/21), I posted an Onion-style article about McDonald's Monopoly promotion, headlined "LOCAL MAN ONLY NEEDS PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE TO WIN PLASMA TV". In this article, I claimed that I had found the North Carolina Avenue and Pacific Avenue game pieces and only needed Pennsylvania Avenue to win a Samsung 42" Widescreen Plasma HDTV (estimated retail value: $6,300). I also claimed to have found the Short Line, B&O, and Pennsylvania Railroads, leaving only Reading Railroad between me and an OARS Adventure Trip For Two to Utah with Garmin eTrex Vista GPS Receiver and Motorola FRS/GMRS Two-Way Radios (estimated retail value: $4,989).

I never imagined that anyone would take me seriously.

The beautiful and enchanting Trillian announced a "Plasma for Kilgore Drive" on her blog, (see 10/25). The wise and sophisticated Mike Solomon also posted encouragement, (see 10/20 comments). And someone named Gary checked in with this proposition right here on Chaotic Not Random, left in the 10/21 comments:

If Kilgore Trout needs the Reading Railroad peice [sic]. Let me know, I have one he can have. This is serious. Give me your email address and I will shoot a picture of the Monopoly piece. Let me know

Let me be clear about one thing: I am not collecting pieces in an attempt to win cash and prizes in McDonald's Monopoly promotion. I am still bitter over a bad experience from some years ago, at Boy Scout summer camp, when I tried to win cash and prizes in a similar promotion for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I purchased many, many, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups from the camp store, and ate them until I was sick, and I won nothing, not even a duffel bag with "Reese's" on the side. And I have not participated in this sort of contest since.

But apparently everyone thinks that I am the sort of sad, compulsive person who would obsessively collect little stickers that look like Monopoly properties and tape them to a little Monopoly game board in an almost certainly futile attempt to store up for myself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. (Incidentally: I am exactly that sort of sad, compulsive person. I just thought I was better at hiding it.)

But let's talk about Gary a little bit. His offer touched me, at first. Gary wanted to help me win a OARS Adventure Trip For Two to Utah with Garmin eTrex Vista GPS Receiver and Motorola FRS/GMRS Two-Way Radios! But then I read Gary's offer more carefully. Notice that Gary does not say, "Send me your mailing address and I will send you Reading Railroad." Gary only offers to send a picture of the game piece. Is it possible that Gary was expecting more than a "Thanks, man!" and a hearty slap on the back in exchange for sending me Reading Railroad? Is it possible that Gary wished to accompany me on my OARS Adventure Trip For Two to Utah with Garmin eTrex Vista GPS Receiver and Motorola FRS/GMRS Two-Way Radios?

[Cut to fantasy scene from Gary's imagination, featuring himself and Kilgore whitewater rafting in Canyonlands National Park, laughing and communicating via their new Motorola FRS/GMRS Two-Way Radios. Cut to scene of Gary showing a frowning, confused Kilgore how to locate himself on a map using their new Garmin eTrex Vista GPS Receiver. Cut to scene of Gary and Kilgore being photographed holding stringers of freshly caught trout. Gary is smiling and has his arm around Kilgore. Kilgore looks more confused than before. Cut to scene of Gary and Kilgore sitting by a crackling campfire. Kilgore sips hot chocolate while Gary shows him how to find the Little Dipper. Cut to scene of light being switched off in a single tent.]

Gary is not alone in wanting a little something extra in exchange for his Monopoly pieces. A casual search on eBay turned up 78 active auctions for McDonald's Monopoly game pieces, 26 of which have been bid upon. The most ambitious of these is a fellow looking to sell Park Place for $250,000 (plus $5.95 shipping & handling). No bids have been made, possibly because jimsolomon, (your brother, Mike?), is offering a 99.96% discount on Park Place, plus free shipping. The friskiest auction so far appears to be this one for 2 Rare McDonalds Monopoly Game Pieces!!! which has attracted 32 bids with a current high bid of $152.50.

(Note to Gary: Reading Railroad is currently available for 99 cents, plus 37 cents shipping & handling.)

+posted by Lawrence @ 10/30/2003 10:26:00 AM