On Monday I went to see Lost in Translation, a really decent film starring Bill Murray, who plays an actor drowning in depression, loneliness, and angst over his washed-up career and his growing distance from his wife and children.

The entire movie is set in Tokyo, where Murray's character is getting paid $2 million to appear in a whiskey ad. Think about that. What if somebody called you tomorrow and said they wanted to fly you to Tokyo for a couple of weeks and pay you $2 million to have your picture taken holding a glass of liquor? Would you be happy or unhappy?

Allow me to answer: you would be happy. You would be ecstatic, actually, and you would call everyone you knew to tell them the good news and brag a little. And when you went to Tokyo, you would go out and gawk at the tall buildings and the flashing lights. You would eat exotic food and order the most expensive wine on the list. You would buy things you had always wanted but were not able to purchase before. You would behave, generally, like the unbelievably fortunate bastard that you would be.

Murray's character does none of these things. He either sulks in his hotel room or sits slumped in the hotel bar, numbing his pain with whiskey. Why?

The answer (I think): People are not happy because of where they are, but because they think their lives are improving. Think about how happy you were the last time you got a raise, and how you daydreamed about what you would do with the extra money. Did that happiness last, or did you slowly become accustomed to the extra money and start looking forward to your next raise?

Consider that the average American today lives in luxury incomprehensible to the average American two centuries ago. We live longer, and in considerably greater comfort. We can travel anywhere in the country in a day. We have more food than we can eat. We have vaccines and antibiotics and anesthesia. We have nearly unlimited entertainment possibilities and access to information. We can communicate at the speed of light. We are the most unbelievably fortunate bunch of bastards in the history of the planet, but are we happier than ever? We are not.

Based on this realization, here are three suggestions for a happy life:

1. Live your life in hypercompetitive pursuit of academic achievement, career advancement, status, power, and material wealth. You will be happy because you will believe yourself to be moving forward, piling up the tall dollars, and staying one step ahead of the Joneses. Unfortunately, you will die at age 38 from a massive heart attack.

2. Renounce the whole racket and become a drifter, doing odd jobs occasionally and living your life in an irresponsible haze of illicit drug use and kinky sex. You will be happy because, well, drugs and sex are fun, and work isn't. Everyone else will despise and ridicule you, but you won't care because you will secretly know that you are one of the wisest people on the planet. Unfortunately, you will die at age 38 from a massive drug overdose.

3. Become a religious fanatic. You will be happy because you will come to believe that every pointless thing you do, (such as praying), or avoid doing, (such as jerking off), actually has enormous cosmic consequences. Unfortunately, you will die at age 38 from a massive state-administered drug overdose for killing an abortion doctor.

+posted by Lawrence @ 10/08/2003 05:46:00 PM