What's that? You say that you're a complicated person? Well, I can't say that I'm surprised to hear that. Actually, the very moment I met you I sensed you had a personality of many conflicting layers leading to a boiling cauldron of pain and rage at the very center of your soul. Even a simpleton like me can see and be awed by that. As we talked, I became progressively more amazed at the depth and emotional complexity that you possess. Not that I would know! Like most people, I have only two emotions -- happy and sad -- and really I'm happy most of the time unless the TV is broken or I drop my new issue of People magazine in the toilet.

What's People magazine? I don't suppose you would know anything about it. Certainly a person as complicated as yourself would sooner brood over Proust while sipping organic espresso in an independent coffee shop than waste time reading some silly celebrity rag. Doubtless you also watch only movies with subtitles and only listen to music by obscure bands that people like me have never heard of and wouldn't understand anyway. How I crave your gift for plumbing the depths of meaning in the works of such artists!

I often wonder what it would be like to be a complex man with a nuanced personality, able to sense more deeply and feel more fully than ordinary human rabble. I suppose it must be like having the ability to see all wavelengths in the electromagnetic spectrum, as opposed to people like myself who can only sense visible light. What a blessing! If I might ask, when did you first notice that you were deeper and more complicated than other people? If I might hazard a guess, was it when you were a freshman in high school, getting shoved and ridiculed by bigger kids, rejected by attractive members of the opposite sex, and misunderstood by your parents and teachers? Did you develop your complex personality through the writing of angst-ridden, non-rhyming poetry and frequent masturbation?

I don't know how I knew that. It was just a guess.

+posted by Lawrence @ 9/05/2003 11:40:00 PM