Bala Cynwyd may be just a pleasant neighborhood in the Philadelphia metro area, but I can't be the only person who thinks that "Bala Cynwyd" is a name right out of an H.P. Lovecraft supernatural horror story.

Bala Cynwyd does not have its own high school, which is a pity. Think of the Lovecraftian names that could have been used as mascots for their athletic teams:

-- The Bala Cynwyd Unspeakable Horrors
-- The Bala Cynwyd Necronomicons
-- The Bala Cynwyd Mad Arabs
-- The Bala Cynwyd Shadows Out Of Time
-- The Bala Cynwyd Creatures, Spawned In The Stars, Bringing a Menace Of Unimaginable Evil To Threaten All Mankind

Who would dare to challenge teams with such names? And think of the awesome logos plastered on sweatshirts and football helmets! Such a shame. I know that you are just as disappointed as I am, so as consolation I offer the Neighborhood Club of Bala Cynwyd, which has, I think, the coolest logo I've ever seen for any neighborhood club anywhere.

Speaking of disappointing sports team nicknames and logos, it's time to get mad about the Charlotte Bobcats, the new NBA expansion team. Bobcats? How bland and boring. And check out their lame logo!

"Charlotte Bobcats" was chosen over "Charlotte Flight," and rightfully so; I'll go for anything that stems the evil trend of singular-noun sports team nicknames. But "Charlotte Bobcats" also beat out "Charlotte Dragons," an awful decision. Did you know that out of the 122 teams in the four major American sports leagues, only six -- the NBA's Wizards, the NHL's Devils, MLB's Angels and Giants, and the NFL's Titans and Giants -- are named after fantasy, mythical, or legendary creatures? What about the Cyclops? The Minotaurs? The Vampires or the Goblins or the Yeti or the Beowulfs? Women's teams could be the Medusas or the Sirens... what an untapped mine of excellent team nicknames!

Imagine what could have been: cool new Charlotte Dragons jerseys emblazoned with a coiled, scaly serpent breathing fire through a mouthful of fangs and brandishing razor-sharp talons. Who wouldn't want one? Instead we're stuck with the Bobcats, a nickname already in use by about a thousand U.S. high schools. Yech.

+posted by Lawrence @ 9/08/2003 09:51:00 PM